I need this place to post about my attempt to transform myself and my life. I don't want it to have an economic imperative. I actually don't even want very many people to read it. But, for some reason, doing it in this public way helps me, and that's the way I will proceed.

Today, a teacher who I admired greatly died of cancer. He is not the first person to die of cancer, of course. He's not the first person close to me who died of cancer. People die of cancer every day, all over the world. He was not unique, but the impact his passing has made on me is unique.

This event is part of a stream of influences that have grown in intensity over the past week and are pointing me in a pretty strong direction. Like everything in my life, that direction is not simple or even that easy to comprehend, but a yijing reading this morning helped crystallize things for me.

The center of it is this - I'm a doctor. Becoming the best doctor I can be is my purpose. Everything should be bent towards that end, even if it doesn't appear on the surface to be towards that end.

I know that to do this will require a change in me.

I graduated in 2009 and have been continually practicing since then. Except for with particular patients and except for isolated situation, I've not been able to mount a successful study practice since graduating. Yes, I've taken classes. Yes, of course, I've done lots of work to learn in order to teach classes. Yes, I've learned a ton from patients. But, what is needed for me to take the next steps forward is a deep, concerted, extended effort to advance my knowledge and skill to the next level.

This site will be an effort to document that process in a way that is open, honest, and continual.